Learning How to “Stay” in Our Lane

A new school year begins, an a new routine for everyone in the house, including the parents of school-aged children demands that we become more flexible but also more focused on the new demands of our daily routine.

As I help my son get into the groove of things I realize that getting into the new habit of doing homework and spending time studying during the weekends is not fun for him or for me. I make a mental note to myself to try to make it as fun as possible for my son to get to review math and vocabulary without comparing his performance with anyone else’s.

It’s important to have high expectations but always checking in to see what the temperature is like within us. What I mean here is that, when there is tension our “inner” temperature rises, and that is an indication that something is not right. It is helpful to see any tension with our children as a sign that something must be addressed right then and there.

It’s the time to pause and become aware of how you are approaching things, your tone of voice, your body language, your message to them. We can demand the best of them, and we should, but we should also help them feel good about themselves and make sure they know that they will always be “good enough” in our eyes, without comparing them with their siblings or with other children in their class.

Each one of us is an individual in our own unique journey, adults too. Each one’s experience in life will be different and we must focus on ourselves and not let distractions like what someone else is doing, how fast they are running, how many awards they receive distract us from the task at hand. I want my son to know that he should compete with no one else except with himself.

Adacelis (Ada) Perez is the author of the book Anxious Mom, Anxious Child: A Mother’s Journey from Anxiety to Serenity and certified life coach helping women attain fuller health and more harmony at home and at work.

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